Professor Teaches the Pythagorean Theorem, Student Orders Pizza

Professor Teaches the Pythagorean Theorem, Student Orders Pizza

(sits at his typewriter, a half-eaten pastrami sandwich precariously balanced on the corner of his desk.)

So, I'm at this "institute of higher learning," which, judging by the tuition, should be made of solid gold. And they're teaching these kids... principles. Principles! What are we, the Founding Fathers? I thought we were here to learn how to get a job!

They tell you, "Work in Process, you gotta control it!" Like I'm suddenly a CEO of a widget factory. What they don't tell you is whether that means you can sneak in an extra coffee break or two, or if it means you gotta pretend to look busy when the boss walks by. The Devil's in the details, and these 'educators' are allergic to details.

It's like, they show you a map of France, but they don't tell you where the best croissants are. Completely useless!

Then you got "training." Now that's more like it. Training is when somebody actually shows you how to do something. Like, "If the printer jams, THEN kick it twice. ELSE, blame the intern." Concrete! Actionable! I understand that.

This guy's saying, "Look, we ain't got time for philosophy here. We got production quotas to meet! We need IF-THEN statements! If the customer calls, THEN tell them the order is 'on schedule,' even if it's buried under a mountain of paperwork!"

It's all about the rules, people! We can't measure compliance to principles, I tried it once and got an F. It's like trying to nail jelly to a wall. You can't. But rules? You can automate that. You can measure that. You can even bribe someone to comply with that.

So, if you're looking to learn something useful, forget the fancy lectures and the long words. Find somebody who's actually done it. Someone who knows the secret rules. Someone who can tell you exactly what to do when the boss yells at you for not meeting the quota. That's the education we really need.

(takes a large bite of his sandwich.)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out the IF-THEN rules for getting a raise. My principle is to get more money. The implementation is the tricky part. I need a training course, stat!