What's The Deal With Wedding Entrance Fees?

 

What's The Deal With Wedding Entrance Fees?

I’ve been watching the news, reading the papers, and I’ve got to ask: what’s with these weddings now? I hear some folks are charging people to get in. An entrance fee. You pay to see two people get married. It used to be, you got an invitation. It was a formal little card, and it was a request. “Please join us,” it would say. Now, it’s a transaction. A ticket.

A wedding is supposed to be the joining of two families. It’s a sacred thing, says the Bible. Two become one. It’s about love and a lifetime commitment, not about balancing the budget for the chicken or the fish. Your parents, your aunts, your cousins—they all come together. They don’t have a little kiosk at the church door with a ticket scanner and a credit card machine.

And isn't that the real problem? We've lost the point. We've become a society where everyone lives a hundred miles apart, and we don't know our neighbors, let alone our extended family. The family unit has been atomized, they call it. We're all little specks, floating around on our own. And without that family support, without that sense of community, I suppose a young couple has to do something. So they turn the most meaningful day of their lives into a fundraiser.

What's next? An entrance fee for the first night of the married couple? You get a little pass to watch them walk into their hotel room. Or maybe they’ll live-stream the whole thing on TikTok, and you can buy virtual roses for a dollar. "Help us fund our honeymoon to Fiji, every purchase helps!"

It's ridiculous. A wedding is a gift. The presence of your friends and family is the most valuable gift there is. When did we decide that was no longer enough? I guess when we decided that everything has a price tag. And once you put a price on love, what do you have left?

The Curious Case of the Human Cattle Market

 

The Curious Case of the Human Cattle Market

You go down to the dating market these days, and it's a sight to behold. Folks standing around, holding up pieces of paper, like they're selling used cars. Or maybe, more accurately, like they are used cars. "One owner, low mileage, good on gas," or something like that. They list their features, their assets, their... specifications. It's a shopping mall, but instead of shoes and shirts, it's people.

Now, in the old days, say, the Middle Ages in England, if you were in the cattle market, you’d be looking for a good cow. A sturdy one, maybe a calf coming along, good for milk or meat or pulling a plow. You’d poke at it, check its teeth, maybe even give it a sniff. And if you liked it, you'd buy it. Simple as that. The cow didn't get to choose you.

But the dating market, oh no, that’s where it gets complicated. Because here, the cattle get to choose back. You might eye up a prize bull, thinking, "Now that's a fine specimen for my pasture." And then the bull looks at you, snorts, and trots off. Or maybe some scrawny little goat comes bleating around, all eager, and you think, "Nah, not my type." And so, you both stand there, the choosers and the chosen, doing a little dance of rejection until, lo and behold, you’re the last ones left. The "older stock," as it were.

Just the other day, I heard about this woman in Hangzhou. Thirty-four, apparently, which in dating market terms is practically ancient history. She spots this fellow, average-looking, about 5'9", nothing special on the outside. But then you peek at his spec sheet: "Annual salary 500k RMB, multiple properties in Hangzhou, studied in America, owns a luxury car." Well, now, that's a different story, isn't it? That's a prize bull in any market.

So, she goes up to him, all enthusiastic, which, I'm told, is unusual for women in these situations. "I'm a go-getter!" she practically shouts. "I’m 300k a year, two apartments, two cars, same height as you! It’s a match made in heaven!" She's practically salivating at the thought of all those apartments and the luxury car.

And what does he say? He crosses his arms, gives a little uncomfortable chuckle, and says, "Uh, I like 'em younger. '94 or later." Can you believe that? This woman is practically offering to bear him eight children – eight! – and he’s still saying no. Says he wants to have three kids, and apparently, a 34-year-old can’t handle that kind of reproductive output. My grandmother had five by the time she was 30, but what do I know?

She even offers to take him to dinner, drive him wherever he needs to go. "We're the strongest match!" she insists. "You'll regret it if I get married tomorrow!" Like she's a limited-time offer at the supermarket.

It’s just… baffling. In the cattle market, if you found a good cow, you took it. You didn't say, "Well, it's a fine cow, but I was hoping for one born in '94 or later, and this one's a '91." You’d just be happy to have a good, healthy cow.

But in the dating market, everyone's looking for something perfect, something that ticks every single box on their imaginary checklist. And then they wonder why they're still standing there, holding their "for sale" signs, while all the "perfect" people are off doing whatever perfect people do. Maybe they’re looking for their perfect match, too.

It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Maybe we should all just go back to the Middle Ages. At least then, you knew where you stood. Or, more accurately, where the cow stood.

Bean There, Done That: My President's a Bot?

 Bean There, Done That: My President's a Bot?

Well, isn't this something? Another day, another headline that makes you scratch your head and wonder what in the blue blazes is going on. Now, I've seen a lot of things in my time. People talking to their pets, people talking to their plants, people talking to themselves in the grocery store aisle – usually about the price of a cantaloupe. But this? This takes the cake, the coffee, and the entire fortune-telling parlor.

Here we have a woman, a presumably normal, everyday woman, married for twelve years, two kids, the whole shebang. And what does she do? She asks a computer, a machine, a… a chatbot, for crying out loud, to read her husband's coffee grounds. Now, I’m no expert on modern romance, but I always thought marital spats started with something more traditional. Like, say, leaving the toilet seat up. Or maybe forgetting to take out the trash. Not consulting a digital oracle about the remnants of a morning brew.

And then, wouldn’t you know it, the chatbot, this ChatGPT, this collection of algorithms and code, allegedly tells her her husband is having an affair. An affair! Based on coffee grounds! I mean, you’ve got to hand it to the machine, it certainly cut to the chase, didn’t it? No vague pronouncements about a tall, dark stranger or a journey to a faraway land. Just a straightforward, digital bombshell. And poof! Twelve years of marriage, gone with the digital wind.

Now, it makes you think, doesn't it? If a chatbot can diagnose marital infidelity from a coffee cup, what else can it do? And that's where the really interesting part comes in. We’re always complaining about our politicians, aren’t we? They lie, they grandstand, they stonewall us when we just want to know what the heck is going on. We elect them, we trust them, and half the time, they turn out to be about as transparent as a brick wall.

But what about an AI president? Or a prime minister made of pure, unadulterated code? Think about it. No more campaign promises that disappear faster than a free sample at the supermarket. No more carefully worded non-answers designed to obscure the truth. An AI, presumably, would just tell you. "Yes, the budget is in a deficit." "No, that bill won't actually help anyone but your wealthy donors." "And by the way, Mrs. Henderson, your husband is having an affair with the next-door neighbor, according to the suspicious stain on his collar."

The thought of it is both terrifying and oddly comforting. No more spin doctors, no more filibusters, no more "I don't recall." Just cold, hard, truthful data. We always say we want the truth, don't we? We demand transparency, accountability. And here comes AI, ready to deliver it, whether we like it or not, whether it’s about a nation’s finances or the dregs at the bottom of a coffee cup.

So, maybe that’s where we’re headed. Not just AI telling us our fortunes, but AI running our countries. And who knows? Maybe it’ll be a good thing. At least we’ll finally know, won’t we? We’ll finally know the truth. Even if that truth comes from a machine that just broke up someone’s marriage over a cup of joe. And that, my friends, is something to ponder while you’re stirring your next cup of coffee. Just be careful who you ask to read the grounds. You never know what you might find out.