(wearing a slightly rumpled suit and sporting a nervous grin, taps the microphone.)
Alright, alright, settle down, settle down! So, you're the new guys, huh? Welcome to the... uh... "Brotherhood." (He winks conspiratorially.) Think of it as a fraternity, only with slightly higher stakes. Like, instead of hazing, we have... motivational exercises. And instead of pledging allegiance to the beer pong table, you pledge allegiance... to the... principle of shared prosperity. Yeah, that's it.
Now, listen up, because this is important. We got rules. Lots of rules. More rules than a Catholic school. And you gotta follow 'em. Absolutely. No questions asked.
First, there's "loyalty." You gotta be loyal. Loyal like a dog. Loyal like a... a guy who owes us a lot of money. And remember the "Omertà." That's Italian for "Keep your mouth shut." You ever see a talking parrot in this organization? No? There's a reason for that. Let's just say the parrot had a... career change.
Then we got the "chain of command." That's like the phone company, only instead of bad customer service, we offer... persuasive incentives for following orders. Disobey? Well, let's just say you might find yourself in a position that's slightly less comfortable than your current one.
And about territories... Think of it like Monopoly, only instead of fake money, we use... uh... slightly less fake money. Don't go messing around where you don't belong. We have people who are very good at real estate disputes.
Now, about "profit." That's what we're all about, right? Generating revenue. Helping the community... invest in its future. You get the idea. Just remember, a slice of the pie goes to the guys at the top. Skimming? That's like trying to steal candy from a baby... a baby with a very large and unpleasant uncle.
Violence? We're not big fans. Really. We're more into... peaceful conflict resolution. But sometimes... things happen. Just make sure you get permission first. We don't want any "collateral damage." Bad for business, you know? Messy.
Oh, and "codes of honor." Important stuff. Treat your family well. Keep your word. Be a good... community organizer.
So, you in? You sure? Because once you're in, you're in. No turning back. It's a lifetime membership. And the dues... well, you'll find out about those later.
(smiles, a little too wide.)
Welcome to the family! You'll fit right in. I think. If you don't, we'll... uh... help you fit in. Capiche? Good. Now, who wants cannoli? (glances nervously at a couple of large men standing in the corner.) Anyone? No? Great. More for me!