Ode to the Almighty Dollar (Or, Why You Should Trade Your Soul for a Higher Credit Score)
Folks, let's be frank, shall we? Forget those Hallmark cards about love and friendship. In today's world, the only thing that truly matters is cold, hard cash. Forget the "it's the thought that counts" nonsense. The only thought that counts is "how much did it cost?"
I've been doing some research (mostly eavesdropping at expensive restaurants), and I've discovered a shocking truth: Your relatives only pretend to like you during the holidays, and your friends only call when they need a favor. The only thing that makes them truly respect you is a bulging bank account. Without money, you're just another face in the crowd. Less than that, actually. You are a background extra in their movie.
I know, it's harsh. But as the saying goes, reality is harsh, especially if your credit score is lower than your IQ. I've found the easiest way to determine someone's IQ is to look at their credit score.
So, what's the solution? Simple! Sell your soul, work yourself to the bone, and climb that corporate ladder like your life depends on it. Because, let's face it, it does.
And never, ever complain about being tired or broke. No one wants to hear it. Your relatives will just change the subject to their latest vacation, and your friends will suddenly remember they have to walk the dog.
Remember, the only person who can truly save you is yourself… and your bank manager. The only support you can count on is the money in your savings account. So, keep your head up, your nose to the grindstone, and your eyes on the prize: a yacht big enough to make your ex-friends weep with envy.
I am now officially recommending you start weeping, right now!
That way you can make sure you are doing your crying now, and laughing later!